I Choose to be Bholu Bhou vou, Grrr, Argghh, La la

My open letter to Santa , Christmas Eve, 2011

2011-12-24T16:37:00.000+05:30

Dear Santa,

Life is truly special.

With another year coming to an end and with all the festivity in the air and soul stirring spirits high, I thought I will write to you.

So here I am sincerely, desperately and honestly praying and wishing upon you to send me and my family, loved ones and friends these few simple gifts of life.

Please let the universe conspire to make this come true.

I know that you know I am a complete believer, rather I would say a sucker and a crusader for you. Yes the movie "Miracle on 34th street" was not just a movie but a real message from you to the world for me. It was a letter written in red for all the cynical fools of the world to give up their ego.

So Hail Santa! Hallelujah Santa!

Well then here it is !

1. Life not to be a distorted reality; where we are constantly fooling our own self the most. No more of having to fake true happiness. Living in denial and pretending at all times. So much so that our true feeling never get revealed, communicated or finds fulfillment. But have a life where there are real people, relationships, togetherness, emotions, value, meaning and truth. A life of inner peace.

2. Everyone to have and be with their true love. And not have a compromised illusion or just be in it for the pressure of doing so. Have that true love which we truly feel and live with it each day.

3. Not only chase but fulfill our dreams and passion. Without fear, inhibitions and scare of failure. Have real courage to go out for them.

4. Last but not the least really, love our work and do that exactly, that what is simply done for the joy of doing it and not because one needs it or has to hoard the stash.

Merry xmas and a happy new year to all !

love you Santa, xoxo

Ps: You know, I will look out for you and your reindeers tonight! Amen.

RULES - DO NOT FOLLOW PLEASE !

2011-07-25T22:56:00.001+05:30

When we step into our youth we are told that these will be times which will have a "great high" about them; ambitions and desires will get fulfilled, love is going to be a “sugar syrupy” experience, that it will be an absolute easy roll down the street where we are still backed up by our parents and yes, it will be full of verve, madness and fun.

But we are not told that life will also be sad at times, there will be difficult people, heart breaks, irritating bosses, jealous colleagues, betrayal from friends, loss of loved ones, accidents, disappointments, that there will be unnecessary brouhaha about things from the so called society we live in, pressures and demands from others who don’t actually concern us and parameters of judgment for success, happiness and being “in”.

I learnt it the hard way but here are some which if you are at that threshold should watch out for, not fret, bother, or worry about and some beliefs you should just dump it down the drain.

Do you date yourself?
Do you love yourself? Or you just feel loved only when others, especially a man or woman tells you so? Give feeling of love, respect and acceptance for your own self a chance. Stop waiting for how you feel about yourself based on validations from others. Stop or else you will get into a habit of feeling cynical, weak and bitter about your own self, all the time. If you can’t love your own self no one will ever love you. It is not like being narcissist about it all, loving yourself is just being aware of own strengths and not being ashamed or hiding your faults.

Fixed goals?
Do you have a list of fixed goals and targets to achieve, so much there is no place for you to rest, take it slow, experience life as it comes and enjoy it ? Masters from Ivy League college, marriage with the hunk or bomb, babies at 29, a fat bank balance and a designer wardrobe etc., well there is nothing wrong in aspiring for all this, but life is also what happens to you in between all this, it is not a set pattern. At times things don’t go as you planned it. Accept that as fine. Don't let that make you feel like a failure, defeated and pessimistic. When you take the unknown in your stride as a challenge, only then you start living it up, your own special journey in life. And it happens to everyone.

Do you know of the great art of “not” fitting in?
Well yes there is always this pressure to fit in, be “cool, in or it person”. To live these exhaustive conditions of a so called “star life” as set by social nit pickers, neighborhood aunts, big dads, girlfriends –boyfriends and the rest of the similar clan is a terrible task. Under that pressure to fit into the size zero dress, in the “right club” gang, the foremost social circles and in the management favorites’ list, you are left with little idea about what really makes you happy. So please be assured there is more to life, than wanting what you are just conditioned to want. There is no need to please everyone, everybody and all the time.

You will be sad.
Yes you will be sad, face problems, feel tired, betrayed, deal with loss, and lose out on love, money, looks and fame for sure. Accept it as a sane and normal thing to happen to any human. That is not the end of your life. Every time you pick yourself up inspite of the odd ultimately then you will win and be happy. You will have all the things which which you really need and desire.

If you attempt just these simple ways of not falling in these traps in your youth, then your twenties and for the rest of your life you will definitely have that “dream life which has turned into a reality”.

I feel, but I think...

2011-07-05T16:02:00.000+05:30

My column on "The Viewspaper"
http://theviewspaper.net/i-feel-but-i-think%E2%80%A6/

One of the core reasons I enjoy watching my favorite American sitcoms like “Friends”, ‘Glee”, ‘Modern Family” is because, in them a person is able to tell the other how they really feel. Well, eventually and always that’s for sure.

The communication is undeviating, simple and clear. It flows from one to another lucidly, marvelously connecting them with each other and the message is always understood in the right intent, just as the sender wished it to be. There are no misgivings and misunderstandings ultimately. If there are negatives spoken, the person is still accepted as they are and kind of understood as to where they come from, even in cases of sworn enemies.

Well real life sucks big time in that context. Why does not communication, dialogue, flow this way? Why don’t people react or act in similar ways? Why aren’t hatred, love, anger and fear seen as sane, normal and acceptable ways of expression in the real world?

I really “feel” this is because; there is a disparity between what we “feel” and “think”?
“What I feel” is what comes from inside; our inner most being, deep within, our mind, heart and gut tells it to us. It is a place which is free of guilt, shame, fear and suffocating beliefs. Our true self gives out those signals and we can read them all the time, and also convey it, if we really do wish to do so. Mind you, listening to your feelings does not mean being bereft of logic and reason.

But then comes, “what I think”, this contains our conditioning, set beliefs, values, childhood, social pressures and environment.

“What we feel” gets over shadowed by “what I think, I should feel “most of the time.
Life then is about false projections. We say and do what we have been conditioned to think is right for us. We choose set paths by others as our own path life, as that is what we are supposed to think and do.

We project and communicate things to others as it has been taught to us only. We think, decide and judge others and mostly our own self all the time.

This lack of cohesiveness and harmony between “what I feel and think” creates a Pandora’s Box full of complications, ill feelings and misunderstandings. How does one create this interconnectedness between the two?

Look within, know yourself. Accept and find peace with your short comings, weaknesses and responsibilities. Tell yourself it is fine to be human. Your mistakes; learn from and grow due to them, but don’t hold on to them. Let go of your past wounds and limiting beliefs which hold you from living happily today. This gives you the power, to really communicate what you feel and evolve your thinking. Expand your belief system and accepting people and our own self as it is and as a package. This frees you of the socially marketed, conventional and projected feelings. Listening to your feelings and evolving your thinking based on it is the way to empower yourself. Then really showing who we really are doesn’t carry with it the scare of being hurt by others. Then even if others do not respond in the manner you expect at times, will not leave you feeling disappointed. You are at peace within for being true to your own self.

Try it.

(The Viewspaper (www.theviewspaper.net) which is today India's largest youth paper. Based on the Citizen Journalism Concept, it has had more than 5000 people who have written for it. With over 1,50,000 readers interpreting our ‘views’ every month, our readers base has been broadening its horizon ever since we began. The Viewspaper features content contributed by over 5000 people from different parts of the world and has been featured as a rising “Youth Movement” by UNESCO, NDTV, ET Now, HT Live Mint etc.
Recognised as one of the top 8 Socially-focussed Businesses in the World by The Ashoka Foundation, Staples Inc. and TED.com, The Viewspaper also stood high while representing India at the Wold Bank Summit and the IMF Spring Meeting. We were also invited by UNESCO and The US Department of States to be a part of the World Press Freedom Day – 2011.)

Decided

2010-12-29T16:09:00.005+05:30

My article on www.hellowellness.in (http://hellowellness.in/anonymous/anonymoususer.aspx?bindexid=228)

I was confused.

Initial growing up years, all the lessons we are taught are about respect, truth, peace, compassion, hope, love and sharing. Malice, jealousy and envy need to be doused and washed away. Everything can be achieved with unity and team work. There is no place for aggression and war.

But then we become adults. And we are suddenly supposed to forget all those initial lessons. Suddenly new lessons need to be learnt. Foremost, it is time to stop being naive, foolish and stupid. War and win to achieve wealth, fame, name, status and position. Diplomacy, pretension and faking it, are the only way up. Make fair weather friends to climb up the stairs. True love is a farce and unachievable, so pretend to be happy. Being devious, rat race, egotism, manipulations and selfishness is needed to get your way. Do everything to project to the world that we are at peace, it does not matter what we really feel deep inside.

My point is why did then we waste time learning all that we did earlier, if this how life has to be lived? I felt suffocated with this kind of living. So I decided to redeem, salvage and liberate myself.

So since then I follow certain things for myself.

I am who I am. I express and show my true feelings more freely. I am not cynical and scared anymore because of my past hurt or the bad ride I had with some people. I don’t live such a guarded life, so much so, that I have to fake and pretend my real happiness. I do not stifle and suffocate my heart with negativity and mistrust, even though the world order calls for it. I am not afraid anymore. I have not made my mind complacent and tranced it to believe false things. I don’t give up in trying circumstances. Living for me is not “just to exist”. I am not defeated by selfishness and egotism.

No I am not aspiring for Sainthood. Yes this is so tough to follow and do. Trust me I know that so well that I want to obliterate this determination from my heart and mind each time I am cornered by the most exhausting, trying, painful and vengeful circumstances, situation and people in my life.

But I decided to still try it out. What the heck!

The paradigm shift has changed my world. Yippee!

So in wearisome times I made efforts to exalt my life state. Some simple things have created “Zen” in my life.

I do not need to fool my own self. Facing my innermost thoughts with candidness, openness and acceptance on my own, for myself has created peace within and without.

I forgive myself and others now .And that is liberating. I read this quote which says when you forgive your enemies, that annoys them the most. It is kind of a smug and amusing feeling, not to be affected by others negativity.

The most beautiful thing that has happened in my life is I am able to “Respect differences”. I believe every person is who they are, as there is a long story behind them. So differences add dynamism, meaning, value and growth to my life. Also I do not form opinions quickly or let others’ judgements pull me down. I am more accepting of things and people.

I am unaffected by herd mentality.

I am not into playing tragedy queen. I try not blaming others, playing victim or delve in self pity.

So all this has added a bounce to my step. My heart feels things truly and also with divinity like a child. Life is fuller and better. When I say “I am fine”, I actually mean it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL AND ALL YOUR LOVED ONES. WELCOME 2011.

Free from "Self Limiting Beliefs'

2010-12-10T14:27:00.003+05:30

My Article on www.hellowellness.in
http://hellowellness.in/Attitudedesc.aspx?bindexid=221

We all have self-limiting beliefs which are obstacles stored in our own subconscious mind. All kinds of negative thoughts, tendencies, reactions, principles, value system, and psychological impediments exist within us and they bring us down, leave us battered and unhappy from time to time.

These self limiting belief systems tend to create limitations, inflexibility, stereotypes, rigidity and pose as obstacles for our own way to happiness and peace.

These are the most common and yet deep rooted complex issues. Let’s take look at some of them closely and introspect.

Belief – I don’t love and respect myself
We wait a lifetime to truly find love and feel loved. We only experience it when we are loved by another person.

Yes it is great to look out and find love with another person and in a relationship. But it is not ok, if we feel hopeless on your own. We need to respect and love our own “self”.

What we feel and think about our ownself, are reflected in the environment and in the universe.

When we change this notion, stop being a victim, delve in self pity and guilt, blame others for our problems but rather focus on building love and respect for who we are, then we truly liberate our heart and mind and find tranquillity.

When we are at peace and feel it within, enjoy our own company, accept our self with all the shortcomings and faults, be open to change and learning only then we can really manifest our true and highest potential. This is only the way to develop love and respect for our own self.

So love and respect yourself to find bliss.

Belief – I am going to fail again
We harbour fears in our heart all the time. The biggest of them all is the fear of failure. So many times we choose to live a life in denial, running away and shirk away from facing life.

The saddest part is we live lives faking things to our ownself and according to set conditions by others. Though the fact remains, it is beyond the point that all this does not really spell happiness, contentment and fulfilment in our lives.

Failures are not bad; they make us humane, stronger, evolve, value and learn the true meaning of life. Failures tend scare us as more not because of what we think of them rather we are vary of facing the wrath, judgement and opinion of others about us in that moment.

Don’t be afraid of being written off by someone else, let go of this fear of failure, embrace, accept and add humour to it. Life will become truly meaningful and beautiful then.

Belief – People judge me or I judge others as per my set ideas or notions
If we look at the real essence and meaning behind the word “judgement” then it means – “it the cognitive process of reaching a decision, opinion or drawing conclusions”.

We are a world full of people, civilizations, traditions and experiences. There is a dynamic multi level judgment system which plays in all aspects of life at most given times.

The more we put people in boxes; well more life will become suffocating, stifling and staunch. These will only alienate us from each other, stop us from living a fulfilling life and creating any value.

It has been found people with a broader, richer, flexible, accepting and tolerant belief system are the ones who continue to understand and find the real essence of life.

When we develop a non judgmental belief system for our ownself then we cease to self deprecate our ownself, we also develop strength not to get affected by false judgments of others and help others break out of that shell.

To truly become humane as a human is when we view everyone with impartiality and as equals. Even though everyone is not same but we are equals. We maintain our individuality still as collective force and team create only value and goodness.

So now, evolve your belief system!

"Being True to Yourself"

2010-11-24T13:10:00.002+05:30

My Article on www.hellowellness.in
http://hellowellness.in/Attitudedesc.aspx?bindexid=200

"Being true to yourself"

As winter sets in Delhi, and brings in this dull, cloudy and cold day in somehow it makes me think “Being true to yourself” is so difficult.
As another year comes to an end, I pat myself on my back and feel smug that I have unveiled the secret.

So here is how I commenced on my journey of “Being true to yourself. “

-Keep your inner child alive and kicking

Each one of us has a child in within us. However, it is unfortunate that from the moment you are born and till your last breath you are told to “grow up” and “behave like an adult”.
Adults bicker, blame, fight, become victims and begrudge their life all the time. So what is the great mad rush to grow up? I don’t get that.

So I strongly recommend that talk, play, seek counsel, depend and reach out to the inner child you. From the moment you get in touch with your inner child, you can cut through ego, jealousy, anger and bias. It is the most liberating experience. A lot of lame and arbid issues can be deleted through this experience.

-Spend time with yourself

In this world of lightening speed, necessity to be on top of things and pressure of proving your importance to the world, giving “time to yourself” has become a rare activity.

Write, draw, meditate, visualise, listen, introspect and talk to your inner child – all these are essentials ways of spending time with yourself.

When you will start spending time with yourself, there will be no need to look for answers outside, they all come from within.
There will be no need to hide, fool, fake or pretend for things and emotions to your own self. You can achieve acceptance and acknowledgement of your very own being, heart and mind.

Roads will open up for true peace and contentment.

-Free yourself of guilt complex

This word creates burden in your heart. A sense of guilt plagues you, when you make a mistake or do a wrong. The point is not to bury it in one’s heart and suffer endlessly, become defensive and then live in denial, anger and pain. But to remember there are always ways and chances to redeem yourself.

Redeem yourself and sought it out. Don’t hold it in your chest and then slowly kill yourself.

-Free yourself of social responsibility

Responsibility needs to be heartfelt. It is not what others tell you to do only. Social conditioning, people around you always decides for you what is right or wrong.

Give yourself a break, stop judging, deprecating and burdening your own self. Add passion, heart, sincerity, reason, compassion and wisdom to your sense of responsibility. Throw out the unnecessary and listen to your heart.

Things will change then.

-Step out of “outward validation”

Stop living your life only for external validation. Yes, your family, friends, home, job, car, social status etc. define and describe who you are but they are only not the attributes to you as a person.

Self worth and identity cannot be dependent on what others think of you. Develop love and respect for your own self. Work on your own personality, develop and strengthen your positive character traits.

Try out these few ways and add meaning and purpose to your life.

Truth or Happiness ?

2010-10-25T17:04:00.001+05:30

I recently heard the line “Truth or Happiness. Never both” (from the TV show "Lie to me".)

It really struck a deep chord in my heart. My 30’s have surely made me introspective. Is this really so? Can truth and happiness not coexist?

I looked around for examples from my own life, and I realised that more often than not, the fact of the matter is, it is - “Truth or Happiness. Never both”.

So I thought to myself, 'Piyali - as usual you are putting in too much unnecessary thought to this. Put your mind to rest. Life is like that only. Accept and live with it. That is what the “world”, society, law, morality, family and friends have shown you. So live by the book.'

I would like to clear this for once and for all, I am not a self proclaimed rebel, radical or militant.

But I just can’t help it; it is only the law of the universe and life which governs my spirit. Everything else seems a little passé. More appropriately put, I am no more hurt, discomforted and irritated by all the “so called” social laws. I rather think many of them are redundant so they should be either thrown out or modified. That is the only way for human species to continue on this earth. I try and live my life like that.

So coming back to the point, “Truth or Happiness. Never both”, my question is why is this the fact or reality in so many lives?

If you look at advertisements, hear pastors, clerics or priests preach, read about trends and market surveys, watch TV serials, be part of a social groups there are these available norms and defined pictures of “happiness”.

The family picture. The office picture. The vacation picture. The children picture... et al

Super moms, charming daddies, cushy jobs, doting wives, all perfect husbands, beautiful and mind you very intelligent children, great understanding and bonding with super boss, chilled out in laws, big houses, page 3 friend circles, foreign vacations, pedigree dogs, latest gadgets, gizmos and cars, celebrity life styles... and my list can go on and on..

These pictures, honestly sicken me!

No, no! I would like to clear this for once and for all, I am not a cynic. I love pictures!

But why does everyone need to fit into a set kind of picture? How can we fit in a picture with plastic, camera smiles and a complete disconnect with each other in our hearts and souls?

Unfortunately we are deeply conditioned to aspire, find and fit into a set definition of happiness. The 'socially befitting' picture only!

Though we may have all these pictures up on our glazed walls, but not necessarily the happiness on the face has any connect with what we really feel in our hearts.

So we choose to live a life in denial, fear, guilt and burdened with social responsibility but never make efforts, change or go for what lies in our heart.
Our heart knows what the truth is and where real happiness lies.

However we keep pretending and chasing set notions of happiness. We choose to rather die fitting into the set picture of happiness rather than create our own pictures and frames.

We don’t give ourselves a chance to experience real truth, happiness, err, and gain redemption and salvation for own soul and heart. So there is a disparity in truth and happiness.

Once again, I would like to clear this for once and for all, I think truth and happiness are kind of same, coexist, come hand in hand and create harmony, love and peace.

But alas! It takes real guts to live like that.

Become true to yourself and then happiness is guaranteed.

I am trying it out too! It’s - but believe me, it's bliss!

Durga Pujo

2010-10-19T17:16:00.001+05:30

My memories of Durga Pujo date back to my toddler days, when I was 4 or 5 years old. I was straddled on Baba’s shoulder with Maa on his side. We were surrounded by their friends walking from one Pujo Pandal to another. Even now when I close my eyes I can transport myself to that moment of laughter, verve and twinkling happy eyes. When Baba got tired I was bounced and thrown upon another Kaku’s shoulder. In between all this Maa straightened the frills on my dress and the bow on my head.

Moving on to little older years, from school years of class 5 to 8th, I fell in love with the Giant Ferry wheel. I was only given pocket money during Pujo and that too only for two things – Giant Free Wheel Rides and Ice creams. I felt all grown up, independent and kicked about this. Our parents watched from nearby engrossed in their “adda” but their hawk like eyes scanning us from time to time. My gang of friends, brother, sisters and I went up that ride almost 10 times in a day. With ice creams in our hands and three to four of us packed into one seat we went up and gagged due to the rush each time the ride came down from the top. That image is sealed in my memory and still holds as one of the most exhilarating moments of life. With that, we cracked up and laughed our guts out, the jokes did not matter but are sided ached with laughter and tears roll down our eyes.

Also around this time my baby twin sisters came into the picture. As I walked fast to meet my “gang” they ran sloppily on their podgy feet next to me (they were friends with my friends’ younger same age moronic siblings!). Though I treated them only like my “favourite toys” all the time, but suddenly during Pujo and annoyingly so, I also felt responsible for them. Suddenly I became fiercely protective and held onto their tiny fingers in my own small fist. Life teaches you things in strange and beautiful ways.

Teenage and moving towards more so called “official adult” years meant besides unlimited time spent and fun with the gang, it was entry of “Pujo romance” into life. Funny proposals, fight with boys whom we actually liked, dressing up like a fashionista. (I and my girlfriends assumed that we were the “faces of Delhi” then. Revisiting those pictures now with crazy hair styles, skirts and dresses makes me wonder, what I was thinking then!) But what the heck “retro” was and is always in.

Twenties bought in many more priceless, memorable anecdotes, stories and incidents related to Pujo. They meant friendships, love, affairs, horrible tasting drinks, affection, gossip, bonding, fights of “para” gang of boys and first time for many more things.

One of my favourite memories of Pujo in this period is dressing up in a sari finally, hardly managing to walk, mind you Maa would have killed if a scratch would have come on to her “masterpiece sari” and then climbing up on to the broken and tattered terrace of a “da” overlooking the Pujo Pandal ground. This meant undisturbed view to all the things and people in the Pandal down below and still having a very private, no access night out looking onto the sky for us “friends” only.

We sipped on very bittersweet rum - cola spruced with mindless chatter, leg pulling and adda. Time to go home, sleep for few hours and back to the same grind in few hours came only when the sun came out next day in the morning.

There are so many stories etched in my heart when I think of Durga Pujo. They are just endless and priceless. I will keep sharing them from time to time.

Now I am in my thirties. I enjoy all the partying, adda and fun with my friends and family even now each Pujo. But with some meomries blurry and some very fresh like yesterday in my mind. With some friends & family gone, new and kept on, strangely it is now that I have begun to understand another crucial aspect of Durga Pujo.

It is spiritual part of it – The symbolism of chandi path and Durga Maa, essence and meaning of shlokas woo me too.

As of now, I continue my journey; I hold and cherish the deep value and meaning of Durga Pujo in my life. I will never let go of the spirit of Durga Pujo which I inherited from my parents.

Aschey bochor abbar hobey! Durga Maa ki Jai.

Change in Season

2010-10-01T15:19:00.001+05:30

My Article on www.hellowellness.in
http://hellowellness.in/Attitudedesc.aspx?bindexid=144
I love this change in season.

The sun shines with added clarity, warmth and brightness.Its brilliance blinds me, but I still want to look at the sun, feel it on my skin. I feel sheltered by its warmth. That little nip in the air towards the evening and later at night, it all seems ethereal.

If you look around even the trees, birds and animals are readying themselves for the change in season. The festive season also ushers in. Homes are spruced up, cleaned and decorated. Our attires change, they become warmer and are infused with more colours. All the traditional delicacies are simmered, cooked and prepared by mothers’ and grandmothers’ again.

Significantly it reflects in our spirit. Even though our lives may have been far from hunky dory, full of sweat, pain and trash all year round, but somehow this time of the year our hope towards happiness gets reignited. The flames itch to rise, even though our hearts are doused with anguish.

It is a season of change, where hope stands a chance, a need for celebration and a desire to redeem our self.

For the longest time I can remember, I had hated the summer heat of Delhi. I could not tolerate it. The thought of it exhausted me. Let’s just say it pestered and irritated me. It made me physically sick. But few years back rather than wishing and counting for each day of summer to vanish, I stopped and mulled over the fact, that summer is important for me to be able to experience monsoon, autumn, spring and the beautiful Delhi winter. I love Delhi winters.

Every season has its’ relevance, beauty and faults. When I embraced everything in totality only then the change for better could come into place. The moment I stopped letting the sweat bother me, enjoyed my mangoes and my slush. Summer passed by in jiffy. A hot summer insured a good cold winter, which I love deeply.

It feels difficult to usher in change. Questions which run on our mind are like, when will things change for good? is change good? why do we/they/things need to change? why can’ they stay as they were? So forth and so on.

So life has taught me a very simple and profound fact - Celebrate Change. Accept change. Believe in change. Change is good. Change is new beginnings. Change is moving forward and ahead. Change is the only way to grow and evolve. Change is life.

Yes when change is “in process” there is turbulence, breakage from past, at times it causes upheaval.

But for all things to become, better, happier and more evolved change is the only way. So it is important to welcome and respect even the upheaval and turbulence. Well only then all changes are good.

If we learn life’s valuable lessons from the “changes of life” and embrace only the learning and let go of the decadent. Then we can retain the goodness of the past but still move on to bigger thing in present and future.

So this season of autumn is a sign from the Universe to me, which beckons me, to change for good.

ggo

2010-09-23T16:45:00.000+05:30

Our Belief System

2010-09-21T14:09:00.002+05:30

My Article on www.hellowellness.in
http://hellowellness.in/Attitudedesc.aspx?bindexid=1

Do we ask ourselves what makes us suffer the most?

Ask yourself what is the most painful part of suffering? Amidst all kind of pain - physical, emotional, psychosomatic or even spiritual innuendo, what bothers us the most?

When we don’t have answers, solutions, way out or in amidst all our turmoil?

If you introspect, look deep within and accept the answer, it will come to you.

It our “Belief System”.

Our Beliefs are our mental act, condition, habit, acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of things. It is our trust and value system on which we rely on every time, all the time and every moment in time.

Those hundreds and thousands of moments in every day, where we need to make a decision, choose a road, perceive and decide on things.

Our Belief Systems are shaped by many factors. Our childhood, upbringing, family, education, early life experiences, first time life experiences, society, morality, code of conducts, country and many more.

So by the time we function life independently, our reaction and responses are based on this belief system.

Our belief system is embedded deep in our subconscious mind.

So is this belief system always positive? Guilt free, doubt free, non vindictive, fearless, and not self deprecating? Honestly the answer is no. As we all have our share of joys, hopes, worries and sadness. Each life tell a story.

However when you enhance elevate your “Belief System” to be a more empowered, optimistic, dynamic, positive , constructive and value creating life is simply beautiful. Life is happy, fulfilling and of abundance.

Do you want to be part of this journey? Come reach out and redeem your own life.

My Music

2010-08-10T17:16:00.002+05:30

I can’t live without my music every day. I need it. I want it. I live for it. I desire and lust for it. It decides my well being. It defines my day. It catches my spirit and my soul. It gives me peace.

Songs, music, lyrics, the poetry in them, give solace to me all the time. Without music I will not be at peace ever. I will lose my sense of self. I will be no where to be found and cease to know myself. I will forget to live. It works and echoes the innermost thoughts in my head.

Music helps me think better. Get a grip of my emotion correctly. It describes me. My joys and happiness unless laced with music won’t remain special. I won’t be able to experience the inner hidden meanings and learnings from my sorrows.

I realised this about myself at a very young age. When I was around 5 or 6 years old, My Dadu had this old classic vintage radio. Every evening he tuned it and it played old Hindi and English classic numbers. Forget the fact, I was not allowed to touch it nor was I allowed to come near it. On a sly in the day when no one would be around I would twist its knobs all the way around, round and round. Imagine it humming music at me. And I would dance to its imaginary music too. I remembered the songs and music etched in my memory from the evening before. I was mesmerised and very annoyed of that radio. It somehow knew from the very beginning what was in my heart and head.

Well if that was not enough, the icing on the cake was my Dadu himself. With his baritone voice and the complete work of Rabindra Sangeet like putty in his hand. He sang every day, each time he felt like, all those times an occasion called for, whenever a mood came into play, the weather caught him and when he wanted to find himself on his own. His voice and song still runs in my mind when I close my eyes. He shaped my consciousness with his music.

And then I remember my favourite game with the big girls, (age- 12 to 16). Each girl picked their favourite song and then danced to it in front of others. I had only one song. I sang and dance to it every time. I followed this routine from age 7 to 11.

“Brown girl in the ring
Tra la la la la
There's a brown girl in the ring
Tra la la la la la
Brown girl in the ring
Tra la la la la
Show me your motion
Tra la la la la
Come on show me your motion
Tra la la la la la
Show me your motion”

As if life was calling out to me.

I studied all my Art subjects with the music on, all night long throughout my XII crucial phobic exam days.

I knew it from the start, music was and still lives in my subconscious.

Now the reason why I am babbling out all these personal details is because I don’t know how to thank, pay my gratitude to all the music that I have heard all throughout my life till now. Well, still listening and will continue to enjoy.

Pay my ode to all those people, experiences and places because of whom I love music so much more.

I want to share my joy with you, so that you too discover your music, through your music yourself.

“Music fills the infinite between two souls. This has been muffled by the mist of our daily habits.” – Rabindranath Tagore

INCEPTION I have a Dream !

2010-07-19T16:02:00.000+05:30

Inception – Many would write many glorified words about it. I want to mark my ode it too in my own way, it truly deserves all the accolades.

There is the obvious to all – great storytelling, the massive action, the involving sound track and sound effects, brilliant cast etc. etc.

But actually this is a movie; I call it a sign for you. If you are a dreamer, believe in your dreams and do not want to give up on your dreams.

Watch “Inception.” Within the story of layers of dreams within dreams is hidden philosophy and spirituality. The real essence of it all for me, which has stayed on and will do for long effervescently is the “power our dreams.”

Our dreams are window to our “real reality”. Dreams are not only hidden away from the person sitting next to us and from closest to us. Dreams reflect the real reality which is so true, that we do not need to hide from our own self, deny things to our own self. Projections of our actual mind, thoughts, wants, desire – our subconscious.

Dreams are the best foreplay to make it all come true for “real”. They take on life. It depends on how much do we believe in our own dreams and go out for them.

Nolan’s mind and his dreams which manifest in the form of his script, screenplay and cinematography, time and again with Memento, Dark Knight and now Inception just makes me believe in my dreams more.

Caprio is someone who has my heart stolen forever and I let him keep it. His face and eyes emote emotions, which I think very few and rare human beings can do onscreen, especially men. At the end of it all, he gets into my blood so much so that I lived his dream and for sure felt that was reality for real and keeps.

Hat’s off to the rest of cast Page, Levitt, Hardy, Caine, Cottillard, Watanabe and Rao they all are a bonus and bound me to the story further more intensely.

The imagery of special effects is like a piece of art, fluid, living and multi dimensional.

Inception is helping me reflect on my dreams for real.

OLD PICTURES

2010-05-21T15:37:00.003+05:30

Old picture tell all. They do tell tales. Besides the obvious about - memories, age, times, people and emotions, they give away stories about our “inhibitions” and “dreams”.

Younger we are the more candid the pictures get. With time, each time we only want our pictures to tell how ecstatic, beautiful, thin or well dressed we are.

Thanks to the prevalent allegorical signs of “perfect poses” we all pose the same way to emote precustomised emotions. We get politically correct even in our drunken stupor pictures. Only giving away what is so called appropriate. Over time we get aware of the hair and smile style which makes us reasonably look decent. So basically we start to look the same in all our pictures.

But Old pictures, what do they do me?

They give wings to my wishful fancy. I travel in my mind.

Somehow, strangely and mostly an old picture brings out an optimistic feeling about a shared moment or relation with a person. Inspite of the fact, no matter what strain or constraints a relationship might have had that time.

Old pictures reek of an “at home” nostalgia.

Old pictures activate in me a feeling of cherishment for mundane things, which mostly gets lost in the chaotic world of everyday life.

Old Pictures puts me to rest.

Old pictures make me feel those times were always better, simpler and easier. Even though once again, at that point in time and life, I thought it could not get worse than this.

Old pictures’ help me reflect on the importance of time.

Old pictures show me my growth as a human being.

Old pictures of mine have always captured, when I smiled with my whole being. My heart and soul. And also my mastered perfect fake smile.

Old pictures remind me of those people left behind.

Especially they transport me and I feel close to those loved ones who have passed away.

Old pictures help me nurse my silence better.

Old pictures only show to me how well I hid the truth.

They make me pine, love, hate, regret and give a sense of fulfilment.

Old pictures are a stark reminder of the most beautiful thing about life. “Our perceptions” change. I need to be flexible or else they take a toll on us.

Get your old pictures out. What do they do for you?

Giving in to intimacy

2010-05-19T14:47:00.003+05:30

From the Hit sitcom series I love Meredith Grey’s words “Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know...”

I think this is so true; it is hell of a grinding process of making that yum hamburger! So I am not going to define it for you. Just play this small game with your ownself- Put on your favourite music and closes your eyes. Think back on your most intimate moments. You will surprise yourself - with those moments and people. I know it can take your breathe away. Isn’t that an awesome moment?

In the urban scenario and when our twenties naivety has deserted us, we are kind of scared of intimacy. Intimacy requires us to bare our souls. We are so scared of hurting that we run away from it. Walls around our heart does not let real intimacy touch us. In those moments of intimacy with our ownself and that other person we can actually look into our souls. Crazy it is, but the other person too can peep in and see everything. Intimacy requires us to question our own self? Check are we connected to our own soul or in denial? Difficult? When it is so much easier to fool yourself.

Even research studies say “Intimacy requires honesty, transparency, dialogue and reciprocity”.

Well that leaves us feeling scared and turns us to take to hiding. As those above emotions whenever expressed always runs with the “condition apply tag of - getting hurt”.

So we stop ourselves from reaching out intimately to another person and to our own self.

Partners, parents, children, siblings, friends and even strangers. (At some point each relationship starts with the “stranger tag”, yes even mother to a newborn – they start on the stranger note). We evade true intimacy.

Fear and pain kills the vulnerability and sanctity of “true intimacy”.

My point is should we kill this power to bear our soul or being true to our own self? In this world of economic morality, conditions and set definitions on life and people, if we stop feeling the love, need or beauty of true intimacy won’t we stop being human?

We rather give lessons to our children which we do not believe in or give those lessons tainted with our own experiences. With partners follow set definitions of expressions of love to prove to the world. With siblings and parents create fake walls of “being O.K.”. We end up having only social friendship as the idea of true friendship? And most importantly we forget to spend few intimate moments with our own self by keeping our self occupied in flurry of activities.

“True intimacy” comes only to those who can take risks, let their heart beat, give chance to things even though the past has been bitter, accept being vulnerable is not a flaw, reckon we have weaknesses, believe we do not always have to be strong and right and stand up for own soul against all odds and entrapments.

Give into “True Intimacy” you will fall in love with life again.

Cinderella Woman

2010-02-23T14:55:00.001+05:30

For over many ages, Grimm Brother’s Cinderella story has had a massive impact on many young girls all over the world. As a kid, I loved the story too but did never pre-empt what it was doing to many of us. When I look back over warm meals with my girl friends and discuss it now, we realise it has left us kind of disillusional.

The main paradigms from the story, that trouble me are-

-The prince is going to come and sweep the girl of her feet. She has to wait for him to be salvaged from her hell. Or else she will basically die!

- She is always helpless and left at the mercy of evil and benevolent forces. Stepmom, sisters, fairy god mother and then the “GOD like prince”. That makes her out to be a complete doormat, always vegetating.

- All step mothers and sisters are evil. Isn’t there a malignant mistrust on these relationships? Have we not screwed up our chance to give a relationship a chance? Due to our deep rooted negative convictions?

- The prince is perfect. Well, that basically translates to being rich, handsome, generous and famous.

- Love only comes in the form of a –strikes like lightening and a bolt.

So we friends felt like hitting ourselves on the head for not been able to perceive these messages way early in our growing up years and on seeing some friends still suffer from this phenomenon. So I want to take a moment to demystify this for some of my friends.

1. All these above paradigms are a myth.

2. Why do we need to make a man into a god like figure? Why can’t he be a friend, partner and confidante? Who actually encourages, supports and gives us the impetus to surmount and win our own obstacles, rather than play the master in our life.
You know otherwise after the evil stepmother, this same “demi-god prince” again remote controls our life. We play from being in one hand to other. C’mon go get up! Unless I fight and create my own happiness, anyone else bringing that to us will not last too long.

3. In our fairytales too we our self deprecating. Let us love our self first rather than feel love only when validated from outside.

4. In times of many divorces and marriages, we need to change this core belief about step mothers and siblings, that they are horrible. Let us not play into popular belief every time and each time. Biological mothers at times don’t care for their own child. So only those relationships work where both parties make efforts and believe in the other’s goodness.

5. Perfect princes who is- rich, handsome, generous and famous, but who does not love, care or respect you for what you are? Then the prior qualities just fade away and relationships become stifling.
So let’s change our own insights for the qualities we look for in a partner. Let’s not dismiss the man in one meeting just because he is not a “obvious Bollywood charmer” or has a cavalcade of followers swooning after him or just because he is humble and does not were his achievements up on his sleeve all the time.
Yes he can be rich, handsome, generous and famous but that isn’t enough for a good relationship. That constitutes more. Also what we are is what we get. So let’s become women, “humans” who can be respected, loved, love, have courage, wisdom, be admirable and a sense of humour first and then the rest will follow.

6. Love is an amalgation of moments, but for these moments let’s not have pressure of meeting the obvious prince.

Try this simple shift in your paradigms and then your life will be so full of possibilities.
Love, strength and happiness. Let’s create happiness and not wait for it to strike us.

My Name is Tolerance

2010-02-12T20:26:00.002+05:30

In Indian cities, every day mommies send children in almost “Ivy League” schools coaxing them to learn and explore the world and life at large. Starting from pre - school days, kids are churned into systematic school for “so called learning”.

This whole process of getting to know the world does not seem to last too long and very soon I can only see deep seated conditioning to have certain views, opinions and paradigms.

By the time we grow up to be “so called adults”, we have formed a rough sketch and have a take on things. Thanks to this conditioning, we get conditioned to react in accord to them.

I am not anti- conditioning, but wary of one ailment because of it - The ability or desire to learn and explore the world and life after an age. We only look at things with our favourite pair or the “in” glasses.

This use of one kind of glasses does not make us very tolerant. We are not tolerant to our differences anymore which make us special and unique.

All this controversy with “Shahrukh Khan and My Name is Khan” kind of makes me shudder. After facing such horrific attacks on humanity with the last 26/11, we still have not learnt the biggest lesson, Tolerance.

Unfortunately nowadays, “being tolerant” is perceived as being a loser, weak or scared. But we forget it actually means “willingness to recognize and respect the beliefs or practices of others “.

It does not mean giving into violence, abuse or evil. It is about recognising the good in the worst, most unimaginable horrific moments of our life. Otherwise we won’t be able to survive as a race. If we cease to be “humane” we will become extinct. World wars, mass destruction, genocide, everyday daily life battles at work and home would kill us unless that “tolerant goodness” in us triumphs.

Let’s send our children to school thinking learning never stops, 20, 30, 50, 60 or 90. We need to be toleratant and rejoice the humane spirit of “Rizwan Khan in My Name is Khan” rather than think every other Muslim person is a terrorist.

Failures of humanity like terror, violence and prejudices come from not giving into it and losing our belief in goodness. Being tolerant, uniting to reach out, climb walls between us and enjoying the sunrise together is the only way.

Only then the news of such victory of humanity will wash out news of terror. Go Watch "My Name is Khan".

First Impressions

2010-01-13T16:03:00.000+05:30

When Mahatma Gandhi first landed in our country, he did not appear to be the person who would lead us to independence, especially to the heavy stalwart line up of Congress. When he met Winston Churchill for the first time he called him “A Naked Fakir”.

Abraham Lincoln seemed a far cry from the actual person who sailed through the American Civil War and ended slavery.

Nobody could fathom Ram Kinkar Baij, a tribal, self taught sculptor-artist would reach such unfathomable heights of being a creative genius. (Google his picture once).

The greatest heroine of first war of India, Jhansi ki Rani was widowed at age 18 and she fought the British unto her death at 22. Could anyone even imagine on seeing her that she will become one of the greatest heroes for our country?

Closer to today, did anyone forsee Sonia Gandhi, an ordinary Italian girl would be holding the helm of our country’s seat of power, when they met her after her marriage and move to India?

For all of them their first impressions were seemingly of people who would be considered as- incompetent, weak, nobody, foolish and some were wishing for their own death.

But Touche’ strikes and we all got to see how exactly the opposite has been true for all of them. They all have been the finest, rarest and best examples of courage, compassion, strength, creativity, power, resilience, visionary and genius.

Every time I look at their pictures, I chuckle in my heart. They were so misunderstood, misjudged and mistaken.

You know I abhor the thought in people, who spend their life judging people based on their first impressions.

In today’s’ so called progressive world there are set visual, physical presence pictures and their social behaviours which make us seemingly an “in” “with it” “the” person. And mind you, this pressure is not only for someone who is not the so called “cool person”; it is the other way round too. Like if you are pretty, you love fashion then surely you can’t be having an intellect. “Legally Blonde Moments”.

There are clubs, institutions, traditions, rules, organisation who encash great success by helping us all become factory made like, so that we all are the same through our first impressions. The corporate look, good bahu look, fashionista high society look, arty look, journo look, genius look etc. etc.

The age old phrase “First impression is the last impression” is only true in life and death situations. Because only in such times, we surely can’t wriggle out of showing our true self. In that moment we do not give “our best”, but “our all to that moment”.

But the fact of the matter is that we are not in life and death situations in every first impression moments of our life! Thank goodness for that.
Rather they are inane, mundane sometimes crucial moments of our life. And at those times various factors come into play, that we either display a simulated self, hide our real self or show a little glimpse of it or by the time we have warmed up to things, it is time to PACK UP. Our fates get sealed in that moment.

Okay, I am rambling about all this so incessantly is because, let’s stop judging, fall prey to pressures of being judged and use some lame witted phrase to decide things in our life!

Now you would ask me, why am I at it, and it’s easy to preach and impossible to practice. (Human mind takes stock of things, so we can only direct it and not stop it. Better example is “You can make your man promise that he will not ogle at other women, but you have no power on his imaginative gear”.)

So what I do is, just make it easy for myself.

I only look for sincerity, earnestness of the other person towards their own beliefs, thoughts and values in such moments. Positive or negative and different than mine, I am open to them all.

Rest I take time to thaw, over repeated meetings, interactions I see each person exhibit their qualities positive and negative about their own self. And I exhibit them too.

Since childhood, being a person who has always been judged by her first impressions now I don’t feel disturbed and break under those unrelenting pressures. Rather it’s amusing at times and I try to help others break through such notions.

Believe me; I surprise people a lot with my real self which is always hidden in those first impressions. I take time to defrost.
What it does is, gives me immense pleasure to see highest potential in people manifest, which I feel each one possesses and is only hidden under layers of dust.

Nothing is unexpected anymore, I expect everyone to shine in their own unique way. I just wait and help them thaw too.

New Year, New Decade - I am ready.

2009-12-31T15:55:00.000+05:30

Each year, in the last week of December and especially on the NEW YEAR EVE, we have pressures of all kinds.

I have recounted top of the list pressures here:-

1. Feel hopeless about another year wasted and how it was kick ass for others.
2. Make New Year resolutions.
3. Find love and a partner.
4. Make a wish list for the next year.
5. Identify the next BIG thing for the upcoming year.
6. And the mundane ones - Suddenly try to become a nice person, where almost we tilt towards being saintly. Thank God that does not last too long,
-Party hard and drink till one pukes,
-Give up smoking,
-Stop eating,
-Not loose temper etc. etc.

Everyone I talk to, each time I read the newspaper and switch on the telly, I find all these pressures work at us in an uncanny, unrelenting, smug and sometimes cunning ways. I find everyone believing if one does not meet the above criteria then the year was surely doomed and one need to buckle up for the next year.

Okay I am not a cynic. Actually, I am the absolute opposite of that. But my point is, why do we have to do these things under duress, especially at the end of each year? Why don’t we give our best and fullest each day thinking it is the eve of another glorious day in my life? Ok, I understand that may sound too “sunflowery happy” thing to do each day. But at least we can try on those days when we are stuck in a rut, gloom and hell hole? Sometimes, at all times, all year round? But we don’t.

We cry, complain and crib all year through and suddenly expect things to change magically on New Year eve. I find it hilarious.

The most amusing of them all is the “2 point” - Make New Year resolutions.

Resolution basically means a decree, pledge, tenacity and solution. But somehow if I generally look around, I find –

a/ People who make resolutions. It is a strict code of dos and do not’s. A black book of conduct, where mostly when one fails, is hurled into guilt trap for forever.
b/ People who do not make or believe in resolutions. This word just translates into one thing for them - BULLSHIT.

So here I am sitting in my cosy couch under the warm winter sun on this chilly afternoon of 31 December 2009 and trying to demystify this whole concept for my own self. And I have decided not to belong to either of the groups, A or B.

I think it’s better to look out and make these things happen all year round or at any point in life we feel it’s needed or also have the free will to be content with these not figuring out in our priority list.

Life is a series of causality, karma –thoughts words and action. What I am trying to do is create value and happiness each day in my life and around me. Especially, in those split seconds of moments where I have to make a choice. Heaven or hell lies in my heart.

Since I have been trying to live like this, “PRESSURES of the NEW YEAR EVE” have ceased to be part of my life.
Resolutions are determinations, reflections, human revolution and answers to live a life with positive purpose each day. So now, I don’t have to bank on the unknown lottery ticket in the form of another year to decide my happiness, because I am already prepared to encash my saved booty monies for my perfect holiday.

I share this with you with a hope in my heart that you too can start with the same attitude to live your life.

New Year, New Decade – I am ready.
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010.

The unmanly man

2009-11-26T00:50:00.000+05:30

I want to come straight to the point. I feel amused and sad for those men, who need to “LIE” to to have sex with a woman. Promise things like eternity, security and togetherness to really get her in bed. We all know that story.

I fail to understand, why? It can be so much better if they just cut short the story and get to the point. It is ok to tell another person that you want them from a physical aspect only. I know it’s hard out there with so much fierce battle for attention and acceptance. Yes some might refuse but it is not the end of the world. There are enough women who are out there who can accept your truth and decide to be with you.

Why are these men so under confident, insecure and fearful?

These men hang over with great zest and vigour in every nook and corner and supposedly bait their next victim with aplomb and charm. There is huge pressure on such men to fulfill their call for manliness by such unmanly ways.

But they forget with time, they only carry baggage and can be recognised as sleaze from far and behold.

So today on behalf of my brethren, the women clan I want to drive home a point, it is fine to be true to yourself, relay your intent and be wanted for what you really are.

Trust and try us; sex is more fun then and there is no baggage to juggle. We won't shun you.

The extraordinary story of an ordinary homemaker

2009-11-21T00:02:00.002+05:30

Overtime somehow nowadays, with this whole thing of being “a cosmopolitan woman”, taking care of home and family is thought to be work of the house help. It is not the greatest, coolest thing, it’s thought to be very mundane, boring, unintelligent and demeaning.

Now that we have a better scope of education, career and financial independence. Sweeping off the CEO with your ideas seems far more important than wiping the dust off your home.

Why?
I think it is my clan. We are too hard on our own self. We have decided to have labels, stamps and judgments on our own significance, worth and importance. Why can't we let things co exist? and not have to make a choice all the time.

Well we all know and our proud of all the leading ladies in our socio – economic- political set up. I don’t want to write essays about them, but rather today my star is the “woman home maker”.

Now please for me, every woman who goes out to pursue a job or not has an undeniable vital role, i.e. of a home maker. Though, it is a different story that we don’t show it off like “our last office paid holiday”. We mostly whine about it to our friends.

Well, I too took it for granted what my mum did and takes to run a home. She multi tasked running a home, working at her marriage, raising children (1 monster i.e. me and my younger twin sisters- houseful), her friends & relatives, interests and a career.

When things would malfunction while running a home, under exasperating trying moments, I told her to just “chill” and not worry.

For the last 2 years, I am running my own household.
Now I freeze to death thinking what I would do, if I had to juggle all of that, the way she did. More like a “chill brain situation”. I am walking the tight rope now and I have realized:

1. This is a 24x7 job, no breaks.
2. You don’t get a salary at the end of the month, no appraisal, no raises, and no promotions.
3. Most of it is an unseen virtue.
4. You need to be wise, have courage and patience, be calm and balanced - like all the time!!
5. You have no subordinates to pass of your work.
6. No vacation or leave.
7. You can’t quit.

Well I can go on and on.
Honestly this whole process for me has been a self journey and awakening. I have woken up to the fact that this job is one of the “best and hardest” jobs in the world.

As it is us, who create, nourish and make homes out our houses. Toughest, well you do know why that is!

My mom, the uber cool, wise, stylized and power house home maker is my super hero. My feathers don’t get ruffled when I can’t churn up a conversation about my new acquisition at work only. I have great pride in running my home, and writing “the extraordinary story of an ordinary homemaker” in my life.

Why do we women vacillate between despair, freaking out, paranoia, stress and tension?

2009-10-09T15:44:00.001+05:30

As a 10 year old kid, one of my greatest high was sleep over at my special friend’s home.

We would stay up the whole night, eat popcorn and cheese toasts, drink cola “on the rocks” (ice in such disproportionate quantities was banned otherwise for us, but at night bingo we could dunk as many as we wished in).

Well, we discussed moles on our arm, our scrap books to our dreams. We looked forward starry eyed to growing up to being “Real grown up women” (In our case I think the 10 year old is still alive within us, thank goodness).

Well we moved on with life. We are both in our thirties now and after many years we met. It was a sleep over night at my friend’s home in USA now. So we were up again, “discussing things”. Eventually this time round, we became very philosophical and got down to figuring out our own clan, “Real grown up women”.

Why do we women vacillate between despair, freaking out, paranoia, stress and tension?

Our top 5 reasons why women go through this are:
1. “Poor me” social conditioning - We are very unforgiving by nature. Empty mind is a devil’s mind, so what better than worry. We play victim, helpless and mostly in denial of our own self, our own role in the scheme of things.
2. Remote control syndrome – Well that gizmo surely needs to be in our hands. We feel pangs of jealousy, vengeance and possessiveness in some form or the other most of the time. All our TV serials can validate that.
3. Yak Yak, Blah Blah-In complete honesty, we only want to voice our feelings of worry. Do we really want to take any wise action to improve things? Nope.
4. Role Model -We need to fit into a role so called designed, designated for us, derailment is out of question. We are too hard on our own self. We judge our own self and other women more than anybody else.

The woman form is worshiped as the goddess, we give birth, we are mothers, we make homes out of houses, we juggle work and families and still we suffer from such futile vain insecurities.

As we gobbled up our double cheese pepperoni pizzas and “colas” (This time too yes on the rocks, but spiked with spiced rum. yum) at 3am in the morning, we felt like hitting our selves in the head. So we decided;

1. We will learn to love our self and life as a complete package.
2. Take responsive, positive action towards our problem and not get stuck with our feelings of worry.
3. We will not wait to become happy, we will create happiness and be happy for others.
4. We will be open, explore new and another point of view, way of life and people. We can all be different, unique but still co – exist.

Well we have been trying this for the last two years since we meet and now every time life gives us lemons we make lemonade and spike it with our favourite poison, lemon cake, lemon tarts, lemon chicken etc etc.

"On a break"

2009-10-07T14:38:00.004+05:30

In the middle of a whirlwind Monday morning one of my colleague, suddenly confessed to me that her “oh so great relationship status” has changed to a “On a break state”.

At times, I can be very archaic in nature, so I quizzed her as to what does that really mean? She gave me an “oh you are so archaic, pitiful look”. She enlightened me this situation symbolize a complicated conditional status. And it was made infamous by “Rachel & Ross”.

You buy time off from each other. But still have faint chances or rights of dating others. Can only be part of or meddle or ask questions or have rights depending on certain whims and fancies. Definitely that does not mean they are friends now. No SEX. But certain make out days are possible (discounts are given to other influences and menopausal days). No more of being each other‘s emotional ‘base camp”.

This sounded to me like an emotional terror attack. There are boundaries and lakshman rekhas based on hocus pocus points. An arrangement of what effects you, a little less, a tad bit more, too much and emotional breakdowns!!

Somehow after hearing the details of her relationship status, I just wanted to overload my system with many “double peach martinis” to still uphold my belief in life’s simpler things.

In short it is being in a state where even though I will suffer from multiple fractures for causing undue pressure as I suck out your soul, I will not give up and hold on.

I just finished reading this book about Draupadi’s perspective on Mahabharata. And yes I do agree, we humans are mostly polygamous in nature and it’s better to have 5 different partner who have different contributions to make in your life, rather than be on a role with this “on a break status”.

It’s like watching the top 10 episodes of “Friends” and then you go into an unconditional commercial break and they are advertising Hajma Golis.Arrrgghhh

Well mostly, it’s "us" in denial. For some it is plausible to live with one person for keeps and for some to live and like with different people at different times. Both are better than this mid limbo of playing by habit state.

The movie needs some kind of an ending, whichever note may it be on. Otherwise it gets boring. I think it’s actually our own fears, hopes, dreams, ego, alter ego, expectations, notions, pressures which get mirrored in our life.

I think I am 100% archaic. Why can’t we accept and face our own selves? As only then things will change for either better or we will get over with it, but definitely not for WORSE.

Celebrating Michael

2009-07-08T00:36:00.007+05:30

As I sit here watching Michael’s funeral live on TV, I only wonder about one thing. Why are we human so selfish? Why can’t we even be humane?

“Honours, Memoirs, Memorabilia’s, Epithets and Tributes are great, but what good are they when we forsake the same person when he was live and kicking.

Yes the world is mourning, shrouded in gloom. Yes Ok, at least some of his friends and fans have been loyal and did not outcast him. His fans could not do much.

But, what about all those friends and family, some of whom are on this stage right now, at his funeral telling sermons and singing songs of his greatness, love and entertainment, where were all of them all this while when he was all alone.

Michael Jackson was lonely, abused and abusive, tormented, insecure, in pain and anguish, suffered tribulation and fought with disease.

Why then in those times, no one was really around and showed their love for him?

I feel so angry that we can seldom value, realize and cherish people when they are still around. I mean I am not here to give a sermon myself, but I am appalled.

Forgot all those messages about love, compassion and patience, all I want to say is let’s accept each other more openly, as a package - with strengths and weaknesses, without judging, with a pinch of salt and sugar. Only then real love can flourish, give hope to each other and help our virtues overpower our flaws, sorrow and fear.

Death for me is not to be mourned.

When we live a life creating value then death is just a conclusion of a cycle. Probably, start of a new journey. Why can’t we support each other to live such lives.

I am shaking my life off this limbo. Death is not going to be mourning, it has to be a celebration. Michael’s death is such a juncture, confirmation and learning in my life. Everyday I am going to try and embrace more people, new things, ideas and beliefs most importantly all my loved ones with all their own uniqueness & specialiaties.

Michael said “I want to be loved as a person not as a personality”. Let’s all learn from him.

For me, these lines from Michael’s song "Will you be there" captures it all…

“Hold me
Like the River Jordan
And I will then say to thee
You are my friend

Carry me
Like you are my brother
Love me like a mother
Will you be there?

When weary
Tell me will you hold me
When wrong, will you mold me
When lost will you find me

But they told me
A man should be faithful
And walk when not able
And fight till the end
But I'm only human

Everyone's taking control of me
Seems that the world's
Got a role for me
I'm so confused
Will you show to me
You'll be there for me
And care enough to bear me

(Hold me)
(Lay your head lowly)
(Softly then boldly)
(Carry me there)

(Hold me)
(Love me and feed me)
(Kiss me and free me)
(I will feel blessed)

(Carry)
(Carry me boldly)
(Lift me up slowly)
(Carry me there)

(Save me)
(Heal me and bathe me)
(Softly you say to me)
(I will be there)

(Lift me)
(Lift me up slowly)
(Carry me boldly)
(Show me you care)

(Hold me)
(Lay your head lowly)
(Softly then boldly)
(Carry me there)

(Need me)
(Love me and feed me)
(Kiss me and free me)
(I will feel blessed)

(Spoken)
In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tribulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of
Another tomorrow
I'll never let you part
For you're always in my heart"

Thank God, I am ODD!!!

2009-02-09T00:48:00.003+05:30

The dictionary meaning of the word ODD is:
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English odde, from Old Norse oddi point of land, triangle, odd number; akin to Old English ord point of a weapon
Date: 14th century
1 a: being without a corresponding mate
b (1): left over after others are paired or grouped
(2): separated from a set or series
2 a: somewhat more than the indicated approximate quantity, extent, or degree —usually used in combination <300-odd pages>
b (1): left over as a remainder (2): constituting a small amount
3 a: being any of the integers (as −3, −1, +1, and +3) that are not divisible by two without leaving a remainder
b: marked by an odd number of units
c: being a function such that f (−x) = −f (x) where the sign is reversed but the absolute value remains the same if the sign of the independent variable is reversed
4 a: not regular, expected, or planned
b: encountered or experienced from time to time: occasional
5: having an out-of-the-way location: remote
6: differing markedly from the usual or ordinary or accepted: PECULIAR

So when you read the dictionary meaning does this make you cringe. I really don’t think so. We don’t feel strange, embarrassed, and bad when we read it’s not being “regular, usual, ordinary or expected”. Actually it feels a little wow, as it’s being different, special and unique.

But why then, when we see a girl who is very opinionated, feisty, we find her to be aggressively odd. We feel odd to be in the company of an obese girl in a party. A man without the so called socially acceptable British English accent (the one spoken in India) in a corporate office, terribly odd. After innumerable terror attacks, visiting a Muslim populated part of the city, we feel odd in their company. We still feel odd if our brother or sister announce their sexual preference to be homosexual. In a family of academician or artists if one of the child does not choose the legacy marked profession or studies enough, it‘s considered very odd! When the apparent marriageable Indian girl is met by the family and found not fair enough, it’s awkward and odd, what will people say of the diminished beauty? It is sad and odd to be seen alone in a movie hall.

The definitions then fails to inspire and hold true. We don’t like odd people. We are comfortable in the known, familiar, habitual company of similar people.

I think I am odd. I was born, raised by my parents where it was OK to be odd. Yes, I have been “somewhat more than the indicated approximate quantity, extent, or degree —usually used in combination” in various stages of my life. Many times found myself “left over after others are paired or grouped” and walked my own path. My views have been considered “not regular, expected, or planned” and I was told by well wishing concerned friends that I need to change my ways or I will be a complete misfit. Well I can just say thank god I have been able to have a life which is “differing markedly from the usual or ordinary or accepted”.

But that does that mean I am or can be odd enough not to care about people around me, my so called odd embellished way being the only way? Everyone else can take a hike, because they can’t see my perfect odd plan?

No. I want and strive not to judge all the oddities around me. Respect even if I don’t understand each time a different person. Give a chance, space to each odd person I come in contact with, to come of their own. Not pull the person down.

“ODD” does not hold true, when we become immune, apathetic, untouched. It is not always live and let live, because that can make us be in denial and become selfish.

I think it’s very hard to be truly odd in the real literall sense. It tough to be your own person, still respect the uniqueness in others and not have decadence. Being ODD has to "create value" in which ever way we choose to be.

The reason I always ponder on this point each passing day is, because everywhere I look, I find judgments being passed at all times and the odd one dies a death. Let’s really give “ODD” a chance. For each one of us and others to become extra “ODD” inary.

OPTION E, That is the real answer to the question why the SLUMDOG won in the movie Slumdog Millionare

2009-01-29T20:43:00.004+05:30

Well I am not writing a review on the movie Slumdog Millionaire. However, I feel ecstatic about the Oscar nominations and the world acclaim. Jai HO.

For me Slumdog Millionaire is not a movie; it’s more than all that once can cinematographically see.

It starts with a bang, pans into life’s moments, trials, tribulation, exhilarations, joy, catches, loops, turns and pain. The essential and crucial juncture for me is when it ends with the remarkable line “Option D. It was written”.

So is it about being all written already down there or way up? I mean we are just some pawns, toys, puppets in the hands of a higher and larger benefactor or power? Like I get an act in a B - grade movie and because I am a struggling artist I live with and continue to stay there against my wishes? Suffer? Never get the role of the superhero, which I truly desire to play? Why because its pre destined? So should I then stay in the shitpit and not run for my life like Jamaal unless it’s actually only possible when someone else has written. Jamal jumped and ran because of his own “CHOICE”. No I too can’t live with the fact that I need to continue in the shitpit, I should just accept my sorry plight, misery, hopeless situation and live with it because it is written.

So what creates, accounts for the bank balance of this negativity, pain or happiness contentment in our lives.

Well I am a follower of the Buddhist philosophy that life is pre - determined by KARMA. Karma comes for KARMAN, which is action. This we create by our thoughts, words and action. It continues and links our various lifetimes in a circle.

But again that makes me question all this all over again? Where did it all start?

There is this person so he is either good or bad and continues to inherit that kind of similar Karma lifetime over lifetime? Wow, that means the bad guy just continues to get the same role and never be the hero!

No, Salem changed that, in the end it was he who salvaged Latika, died for Jamal and her. He too had his “CHOICE” to take up a role of a hero. Not be type casted each time

So what I believe is, we all start with a life where we make “CHOICES”. It’s not only about good or bad. It is about fair and just. Peace. Happiness. Most importantly “create value”. Whenever we choose to create value we create good karma which nullifies, lessens all the past mistakes, wrongs.

Ok Ok this is not epiphany or religious discourse. The point that I want to make is it is not written by someone else. I am not a toy, suffer till I die, die of hopelessness.

It is I who writes it. Yes it’s written, but only by us, the self. By making a choice to create value I write my life’s destiny.
That is why it was not some Mamman or Javed who decided Jamal‘s destiny. They all made “CHOICES”. Jamal, Salem and Latika. Their lives turned that way.

Even when stuck in the hellhole because of the most satirically, helplessly reasons like Latika. When we exercise our ‘CHOICE to create value with her life it open up.
Latika grabbed for her life, ran for it even when in the worst hellhole.

Yes u and I, we write our own “LIFE” by the “CHOICES” we make even when in the pigsty

I loved Slumdog Millionaire, the story of winning of the human spirit. But mind you not because it was “Option D. It was written”.

“Option E. He decided to write his own life”. Choice of never forgetting his life lessons and choice to dream.

Then it simply had to manifest in the most obvious way. They asked him only those questions which he knew.

I Love to travel, Actually who doesn't

2009-01-22T22:41:00.000+05:30

I love traveling, actually who does not. The journey into a story, experiencing the unknown, packing of bags, internet search, Travel books, flight/train/boat ride and finally I get there, the whole ride is just wow. The pleasure is only at its foremost when the journey has been fulfilling, fascinating, exciting, little disarray and bumpy.

Traveling has been one of the major impacts on my life. Travel has opened up my life, made me love, become happy, have varied views, become non judgmental, respect differences, accept things, instill courage, be wise and a lot more that I can keep accounting for.

For each place I have traveled to I admire and love the shapes, colours, forms, textures, language, sound, food, smells, people and culture.

Like the moment I land at any airport, I realize each place has its own unique smell. Colours seen at a festival or a museum that are dominant in my dreams too. Sounds, music, noise and silence of a place has given me a sense of connection. Textures like mountains, plains, and plateaus, they all speak of their local stories of coping with natural forces of the land. The air, breeze, wind all tell a tale of their own. Can't say I ever detested any place completely, but maybe yes in parts and times.

I have traveled as a child and grown up with family and friends for leisure pleasure and work. Visited special people in my life, discovered new place, been part of an experience and alone.

I know, I have many more journeys to undertake, But all the places I have traveled to villages, towns, cities in India, countries, cities in Europe, Asia & America they have all shaped my life.

Whenever I am at a certain juncture of my life difficult hard, happy, confused, tired, elated or content a physical journey, travel when undertaken has completed my learning emotionally, spiritually.

There is a lot to share & tell, being in the travel industry for 9 years, I traveled for work, solved problems about travel for the Indian Sub - continent as the customer care manager for KLM - Northwest Airlines, as a child, as a youth, I have accumulated a rich heritage of tales and experience to document.

Also I can be a great guide for all travelers acting as their missing link; at times solving the jig saw puzzle and just simple make things plain and easy.

Netherlands, where especially I have been more that 20 times, is a country beyond my homeland India where I feel completely at home and safe even when lost. I guess that might be because I learnt to be a professional, understand the logistics of travel, grew up founding new cultures in that country.

Tokyo for its sheer magnitude of the rule of technology & development, but still have deep roots in the past.

Dubai, what men could make of dust!!! Phew

New York is one of my favourite cities. It pulsates with culture, diversity, individuality and beauty of art & culture. I had my first Ethiopian meal there. It was simply yummylicious.

Pondicherry, the Portuguese architecture which transports me to a village in southern Europe.

Goa, its truly closest u gets to feeling global in India.

Antwerp with its gothic churches, the stone walls encapsulate how a religion like Christianity has propagated and grown.

I love Madrid, its as good as being in India, people are so animated and the cultural heritage overwhelms me. The cuisine is to die for.

Budapest, I feel transported to the fairy tale land of Grimm brothers. The food, again I can kill for it.

Ranikhet, for its untouched beauty and tall pine trees. Smell of the green.

Kolkatta for how great it is to be an Indian.

Mumbai… it lets you be just the way you are.

Well the list goes on & on. Ok, I have rambled on & on about my travel escapades not to seem like a wannabe nouveau Indian out there feeling like a dragon but actually it s a fly.